Seventeen Months

Bear,

When I realize how close we are to a year and a half I have to shake my head.  Each evening when we are home together I try to soak in the boy that you are now, knowing that tomorrow you will be different, you are changing so quickly.  It is already difficult to imagine that you were ever small enough to grow inside of my body.  Every day you look more and more like the young boy, teenager, man, that you will become.

Your hair is growing in pretty quickly now. It is a beautiful color of strawberry blonde.  Your legs grow longer each day and the time to buy new shoes is already upon us.  One day last week we had to change your clothes before school because while (apparently) belly-shirts are in, I was embarrassed to let you wear one out of the house. :)

What fun things have happened in the last month?  We celebrated Daddy and Mommy's birthdays. We have played at the playground and the mall.  You were very excited to explore things over at the very quiet Tanglewood mall and ride all of the rides, including the escalator.  

We had a chance to visit with Aunt Mert and Uncle Nick recently, they have given you not one, but two, very fun t-shirts in the past few weeks.  We've spent a bit of time with Papa Bass and Grams following his surgery, and we've hung out with Papa Tate and Beba.  You've really been enjoying the wagon Papa Tate gave you. I remember pulling it around when I was a kid.

I think that you are really enjoying your class at school.  You've become accustomed to the routine and are very good at following simple instructions and cleaning up after yourself when asked.    Somewhere along the way you have learned what a cow and a lion says.  You've been working on motor skills and give yourself a big round of applause if you succeed in any task. You really seem to like sorting things.  You also think that grouping things together and then moving them from one location to another is extremely satisfying. Just this evening you tried to sing "Down By The Bay" with us.  We could make out your words.  You say "adddiee" for Daddy and "ittteee" for Kitty.  You're getting there.  I keep trying out Mama and Mmmbop, but no luck yet.

You've become more of a picky eater.  You still like lots of different things but you do not always want them.  This doesn't make our job of feeding you very easy.  Favorites of the moment seem to be pasta and rainbow cookies.  You still love fruit and will always eat that.  You go through phases with your meats and veggies.  Today broccoli is in, green beans are out.

In the last week you and Daddy had boys club for 4 days while I was out of town.  I am so glad that the two of you had manly bonding. I believe you have aided Daddy a great deal in Super Mario Galaxy 2.  And I know that you ate well, and slept well, and got off to school each day just fine.  Once your Daddy called me and put you on speaker phone. Hearing you babbling brought tears to my eyes.   Even though I had fun while I was away, I missed you both very much.

I hope you know how much we love and adore you.  I hope that as young as you are you can feel my love through the simple ways I care for you: the feeding, changing, bathing, reading, playing, snuggling, etc.  You truly are the greatest thing I have ever experienced.  I want time to stand still, but I can't wait to see the person you become.

Love,
Mommy

Sweet Sixteen

Kemper,

What could I tell you about the last month?  We had a scary moment when you had your third seizure at Auntie Jane's house but we didn't take you to the ER that time but rather watched you from home for a few days.  Since then you've had some stomach bugs and a snotty nose but gosh, these seem to be almost routine these days...  It is odd though that you have in the last two weeks sworn off almost all of the things that you typically loved to eat such as: turkey, ham, chicken, and crackers.  You aren't even into muffins much anymore!  I have been told this is normal toddler stuff but it still seems so weird.  What are we supposed to feed you!? I am wondering when that immunity you are building up starts to kick in?  Daddy has been sick too so hopefully all will be on the mend soon.    

Otherwise, you've actually done some really fun things!  You have gotten acclimated to your new class, you get excited to go and you don't cry anymore when we leave you.  In fact, you seem to want to stay longer when I come to pick you up.  I am glad that you are enjoying this.  You are learning a lot like how to use a spoon and how to pick up and put things away.  I've been told that you tried helping a classmate up when he fell and tried to share your lunch.  Such a sweet boy.

You had your first taste of Bath County when we went to see Auntie Meg and her family.  I think you had fun playing with Emma and Riley.  You were quite taken with Ricky Plecker, I love this.  Maybe he reminded you of your Papa Tate.  Daddy and I went to the beach for a few days and you stayed with Papa Tate and Beba.  I believe you all had a grand time!  We also got to see Auntie Whit for her birthday last weekend.  You have been to the playground a few times, hung out with Grams and Papa Bass, eaten all the chocolate your little belly could handle, and had fun dancing for Aunt Meredith.   You also had a midnight snack (i.e. 2AM) that involved yogurt, a spoon, and the kitchen floor.  Let's just say I hope things like that are few and far between.

The Adventures of K & E 

Happy Birthday Auntie Whit

I thought for your 16 month celebration I would share 16 really sweet things about you at this stage in your life (in no particular order).

1) You run to your Daddy and throw your arms around his neck.
2) Your favorite word is, "ut-oh."
3) Occasionally you give me kisses on my cheek.
4)You have the sweetest smile in the world.
5)You bring us things when we ask for them.
6) You still like to "help" with laundry.
7)You pick out a book to read before bed.
8) You try to share your food with Sirius Black. And you want so badly for Heffy to love you.
9) You clap for yourself when we say "Good Job!"
10) You bring us books or toys and sit on our laps.
11) You still love going to the store, no tantrums yet (knock on wood).
12) Giggles are fabulous.
13) If you think we are upset or accidentally hurt us you try to make us feel better.
14) You help close the fridge. And the cabinets.  And the doors.
15) You are trying to learn how to jump and it is the most darling thing.
16) In the mornings you (usually) greet us with a smile and try to bring your glow worm with you to breakfast.

Manly Bonding. 

We can't believe how big you are getting.  Your legs are getting so long, it seems like you've grown inches in the last few weeks.  We bought new pants and socks, I am sure that shoes will come around again very soon.  I often think, "Stop Growing"  but I really love watching your personality emerge.  I keep praying you will not be sick as often.  I keep hoping we are doing good by you as parents.  We absolutely adore you.  Even on the nights when you are restless.  Even when you are impatient and fussy at breakfast.  Even when you seem to run for hours on end. Even when you cry at the pantry door for the love of chocolate chip cookies.  Even when it seems like an exorcism is needed rather than a teething ring.  You are loved. You are loved. You are loved.

About the same time last year.

Can't believe the difference

Love,
Mom

Fifteen: Happies & Crappies

Billy Kemp,

What a month it has been my boy!  We have done all sorts of things and been many places.  It has been a crazy month filled with highs and lows as you zoomed through your 14th month and here you are at 15 months!  I am going to share with you some happies and crappies we have had because what stands out to me most as I briefly reflect on the last four weeks is that we have experienced such wonderful joys, but also some trying times and deep sorrows.

Happy:  Auntie Jennifer came to visit us for the weekend! I am so ashamed that I did not get a picture of the two of you together!  We had lots of fun playing at home and also going for a lovely walk at Hollins.  We are already looking forward to her next visit.  She got a new job and starts very soon.  Auntie Meg got a new job too, so proud of them, they deserve some gooey banana-hand high fives! ;)

Crappy: You got Hand, Foot, and Mouth virus the following week after Jennifer's visit and had terrible bumps and blisters all over your body! You looked ROUGH.  Not to mention, you also had your first black eye from falling at school.  You did not let this slow you down in the least, but the multiple nights of not sleeping very well were tough on Mommy and Daddy.

This photo taken at the preschool really shows off your shiner! 

Happy: You and Daddy really had a great week together while you couldn't go to school.  I believe there was lots of manly bonding going on that has been sworn to be kept secret from me.  But I think afternoon naps, running around in diapers, leaving cracker crumb trails, and watching Super Why were all part of Boys Club Business.  I have been truly thankful this month that Daddy has been home with us daily.

Crappy: As I shared in a previous post, your Great Glen passed away. He called you Billy Kemp when you were born, and so in his honor, I share that nickname here. Your Papa Bass did a graveside service that I think Great Glen surely loved.  I am so thankful that he could be there for us and that Grams could spend the day with you.  While we spent time with Beba, Papa, and other family and friends, you got to do fun things like dance to Sesame Street and eat cupcakes.  There is a silver lining in everything.

Happy: Last week Beba and I took you to Richmond to get your first pair of shoes.  We had lunch with Aunt Crystal which was fabulous.  Again, I failed to get a picture of you two together.  Shameful!  After lunch we went over to Saxon Shoes and you got to meet Ms. Bettye and Ms. Aline.  It was so good to be back in the place where I spent so many hours working during seminary.  Those co-workers became a second family to me and I enjoyed helping children get new shoes (most of the time)!  In addition to thinking about how special it was to be able to get your first shoes at Saxon's, I considered the possibility that you might just be one of those kids who didn't like getting shoes and you would cry and be uncooperative. But, you really had fun! You are doing great in your big boy shoes!

First pair of shoes at Saxon's!

Crappy:  An ear infection caused you to spike a fever last Friday and you had another seizure en route to the doctor. I think we knew it was coming after your fever didn't come down. We were definitely proactive. I cannot live on the "shoulds", as in I should  have taken you to the pediatrician before 5:00.  But, even then, it may still have happened.  Once again, the blessings of having Daddy here, right beside me in the car while I was driving.  He was able to get in the back seat with you.  Ultimately we drove you to the ER where we spent several hours as they brought your fever down.  This one wasn't as scary as the first one, but still, as your mother, it terrifies me. And I know it does your dad too, although he manages to be the voice of reason for me.   It was a tough 24 hours but you have been fine since on medications for the ear infection (your first).  Again, in seeking the silver lining, I thank God that we are so close to the hospital.  I believe that God weaves these things into the plan for our lives.

RMH visit included a new Carilion sippy cup 

Happy: You began toddler class this week! I was thankful that you were well enough by Monday to go back to school.  Daddy and I took you together.  You are one of the younger kids now, so the older children seemed much bigger than you.  It is amazing to see how responsive they are to the teachers and to each other.  I know that you will learn so much just by watching and mimicking them.  I won't make this it's own crappy, but it hasn't been a bed of roses for you in your new class.  You are well behaved and have been doing naps, meals, and activities well.  But you have also had some interesting moments.  On Monday, when we dropped you off, Daddy saw a little boy push you right when he put you down.  He was steamed about it all day! On Tuesday, you were bitten! By a girl! It did not break the skin but you definitely have a bruise.  Man, these toddlers are tough.  Wednesday and Thursday I also signed accident reports for you for minor scrapes and bumps.  But today, no incidents. Whoo-hoo!   I really hope that we can keep you at this school for the next few years.   It is certainly not cheap, and Lord knows you have been sick, A LOT.  But, I do sense that you are learning how to do so many things.  I like that you have opportunities to experience other children and adults on a daily basis.

You clomp about in your new shoes a little faster every day.  You have been absolutely obsessed with the blueberry mini-muffins Daddy made for you.  You have also been so excited to hide behind the chair and pop out squealing or growling when we ask, "Where's Kemper?" Bath time is splash time.  You think brushing your teeth is fun and you have TWO molars that have broken through recently.  I believe that makes 10 teeth total in there so far.  You are fond of dancing these days to anything really, but the Daniel Tiger theme song really gets you excited.  As does Super Why.  We've been singing and whistling that tune for days now.  Ugh.   You are so proud when you get to carry a muffin or a cracker around the house and eat your snack while you explore.  No need to worry about crumbs, if Sirius or Heffy don't take care of it, you'll pick it up on your next pass through the room.  You make us laugh, oh my goodness you make us laugh. You've had us singing Down By The Bay as we look at and read the book daily.  And each night, before bed, you bring me a book to read.  Then, when you are ready to go to bed, you put your arm out and point to the crib.  You then snuggle up with your glow-worm and close your eyes.  What a doll you are.  I try to cherish these moments because I know they will go by so fast as you continue to grow and change daily.  I really can't believe how big you are, you aren't a baby anymore. But you are still our boy.  We love you more than words can say.

Utter joy playing with Daddy. 

Happy 15 months Billy Kemp!

Love,
Mom

Lessons From Great Glen

Kempy,

Today is a difficult day in our family. My uncle, your great-uncle, Glen passed away after fighting a battle with Cirrhosis of the Liver.  He was your Beba's brother, the only sibling of hers I was blessed to know in my life.  I have very fond memories of Uncle Glen. He gave me the nickname Boo, which your grandparents have called me ever since.  When I was little he used to scoop me up and squeeze me into tight hugs. Glen was very tall so if you have any height to you at all I believe it comes from him and your Great Grandpa Crebo.  As an adolescent he and Aunt Nita looked after me and my Grandma Pearlie while your Beba and Papa went on vacation.  On a side note, he gave Pearlie that nickname; a story for another day.   I recall he had great aptitude at helping me with my math homework.  As a senior in high school, preparing for my freshman year of college, he and Nita again took care of me, helping me pay off a debt when I overdrew my bank account while Beba was in the hospital.  I hadn't wanted to burden your Papa Tate with that.   As a college student he and Nita took your Auntie Jennifer and I to Paris during our study abroad trip.  We got to experience such wonderful things as the Eiffel Tower and  the Palace of Versailles.  They came to visit you quite soon after you were born, so excited to shower you with love.  I am so glad that Uncle Glen got to meet you, hold you, and play with you.  They have always been there for me and are a vital part of the unit that we call our family.  As you become an adult you will discover that you begin to think more about your aging parents.  You will worry about us.  You will start feeling the need to take care of us, even if we don't want to let you.   But, it is a new experience for me to think of the mortality of my aunts and uncles.  They have always been here and I find it extremely hard to picture life without any of them.  But, here we are.   We can learn many life lessons from your Great Glen.  I thought I should write a few of them down for you to keep.  

Try Not To Worry Your Mother.   Your Great Glen fought in Vietnam.  I actually have no idea what he did while he served, he never talked about it much and I respected him enough not to ask.  We did learn recently that he was exposed to a chemical used in  tactical warfare called Agent Orange.  But, he didn't want your Great Grandma Pearlie to worry about him so I think he always downplayed his role.  Even so, I know that the family always, always lived in a state of worry for him at that time and having him walk through the door and ask for a cheese sandwich was a great relief to his mother.  So, please, son, not that you should ever keep things from me, but for my sanity, try not to worry me.  

Work Hard.  Growing up on a farm meant doing chores.  I have always been told that Glen was an excellent post-hole digger.  I believe from a young age he faced down any fears of manual labor.  One would only have to look at the beautiful oasis he and Nita created in their backyard to know that he was not afraid to work.  He was faithful in his job until retirement and then he stayed busy always, until his illness came on.  I believe he was a wonderful example  that hard work can bring satisfaction and fulfillment, something you can be proud of.  

 Keep your Sense of Humor.  Glen was always in good spirits when I saw him.  He was always smiling or telling a funny story.  He was witty and that is something I always admired.  As you grow up you will learn from family history that the Holt's went through a lot  especially Beba and her siblings; things were not always easy.  And your great uncle no doubt saw horrible things while he served in the military.  But, he chose to enjoy the good things in life and not dwell on the more difficult experiences.  I will never forget the twinkle of merriment in his eyes.  I wish that you two could have had more time together to bring out such joy in one another.  

Travel and Explore the World.  I have no doubt that Glen loved to be home.  He and Nita have a beautiful home and have done a lot of work to create a comfortable and inviting environment for their family and friends.  I think he probably loved sitting in his basement watching golf or enjoying summer nights on the deck with Nita more than anything. But, he and Nita also did quite a bit of traveling together, visiting lots of different countries.  I had the blessing of witnessing this in Paris. It was a terrific trip even if it was freezing cold! I am so thankful they were willing to share part of that trip with Jennifer and I.  I will always cherish our day trip to Versailles and the benefit of getting into the palace at the kid's rate at age 21!  They made friends in Europe and enjoyed experiencing other cultures, visiting historical places and trying local cuisine.  I hope that as parents we can help you appreciate these things too.  

Embrace Your Family.  Great Glen and Great Nita did not have children of their own, but they have loved and nurtured many children, including myself.  They had lots of nieces and nephews who I have no doubt knew that they were loved by Glen. They also built relationships with the children of neighbors and friends as well.  Glen was a brother to Nita's siblings too.  And a son to Nita's mother, who I remember with fondness.  He did much to care for her as she aged.   He was a devoted son to his parents and the best big brother you could ask for.  Just ask Beba.  Should you ever become a big brother yourself, We will have to tell you stories of what made Glen such a great big brother.  He also had dear friends and neighbors who were like family to him.  He enjoyed gathering them together for holidays and special occasions.  He embraced the importance of family.  

Do Unto Others.  You might hear us say that your Uncle Glen wasn't a religious person, but that he had made his own peace with God a long time ago.  But, I believe he lived the golden rule, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."  He helped a lot of people throughout his life.  He made a difference in the lives of friends and strangers.  He donated blood on a regular basis.  He helped neighbors and friends accomplish tasks or make it to doctors appointments.  He did countless things for others because his heart was just that big.    It is important to show love and compassion in the world.  It is the only way to drive out the hate that is so prevalent in this world.  

I know that you will not remember him but I hope that our memories of him will let you know that he loved you very much.  I will miss him greatly.

Love,
Boo

A Big Ten-Four

Dear Stinkbug,

Fourteen months, how did we get here?  Truly, the last few weeks seem like a blur.  I will do my best to hit the highlights but I've had a 10 hour work day in addition to a few hours at home and some emotionally draining stuff so this one might be a little bit short.

One of the really great things that has happened in our lives in the last month or so is that your Papa Bass and Grams have moved right down the road to Salem!  They have a beautiful home with lots of fun rooms for you to play in and a yard and great neighborhood for you to explore as you grow.  Not to mention the church playground looks Ah-mazing! I can't wait to go play over there myself.  Having grandparents close by means we have also gotten to visit with Uncle Ray and Aunt Mert and Uncle Nick who were here last weekend.   I was very surprised, you almost turned down chocolate from Uncle Ray, but after a few bites from other people, you perked up a little and realized homemade cupcakes should never be turned down from family members.  I think you have also learned that Grams is THE go-to for food, along with Beba.  You will never hunger nor thirst in their houses.  And, I think you and Papa Bass might be kindred spirits, you really just light up around him, always giggling and grinning.  It appears that you may also be a Lord Of The Rings and Sci-Fi fan to bond with him in the future.  You were pretty intrigued by "The Desolation of Smaug" the other night.  Mert and Nick have got your number as a charmer I believe... they see your tricks for being spoiled! But they brought you an awesome TMNT piggy bank anyway! Let the penny saving begin! Turtle Power!

We also got to see Auntie Whitney and Laura for a little while when they were in town.  You were quick to show off your walking skills.  Auntie brought you a very cool wooden train with your initials in it.  We don't let you play with it too much because it is so special we want to keep it in good shape for you to appreciate it.  I also got some fantastic gifts on that day, and you did too, some pretty fun stuff from Auntie's trip to Tulsa! Speaking of Tulsa, you totally like to dance to Hanson, not making that up.  And I am proud.  Sorry, not at all sorry.

A few weeks ago Daddy and I had a date night and you spent the night with Papa and Beba.  Always such fun to be had! When I came to pick you up you were chillin' on the porch swing with Papa Tate like you owned the place and didn't seem to have missed me at all.  So strange, I woke up at 8;00 that morning ready to drive down and get you!  Beba took some great photos of you.  I just loooove them. They really show your sweet personality...and your new train mentioned above!

Last week we went for a follow up at UVA from your surgery back in May.  The doctor seemed pleased with your progress.  On our way home we came through Lynchburg and met Beba for lunch and went and visited Great Uncle Glen.  Uncle Glen is very sick and he needs a liver transplant.  I thought that maybe your visit would give him and Aunt Nita a boost in spirits.  You were into absolutely everything!  Glen and Nita have a cool house and back yard with so much to explore.  I know that Uncle didn't feel well, but I hope your presence did his heart good.  And I so hope that he can get better and spend more time with you.  He is a gentle giant with lots of funny anecdotes and interesting stories to tell.

We are really pleased with your new school.  I believe that you are learning a lot there already by interacting with other kids and watching them do things.  Suddenly a few weeks ago you started giving us a "high five" when we asked for them.  And clapping with glee.  You get a little bit faster with your walking each day.  You also end up with new bruises every day.  Last week you sported bruises on your forehead so it looked like horns were trying to pop through. Some moments I think that is actually true. But not usually.    Your smile is infectious.  It lights up your whole face! I don't know how a baby smiles with their eyes but I know that you do!  And your giggle smooths out the wrinkles from any day.  You get a big kick out of us chasing you, and you chasing us around the house.  You get the giggles if Daddy comes after you singing the "danger, shark approaching" theme music from Jaws.  And you usually try to get away a little faster! You are always interested in what games Daddy might be playing, and you try your best to help him.

  You are really starting to get into looking at books.  Sometimes you bring them to me and crawl into my lap.  I adore this.  I hope you do this until you get so big I have to curl up next to you instead.  You are not a fan of the swimming pool, you cried and cried.  You also did not like Glen and Nita's fish pond last week.  I know this will change but I am a little bummed about it, and I know your Dad was too because he wanted so badly to take you in the water with him.

It is late, and this wasn't as short as I thought it would be!  I need to go to bed, especially since you've been waking up between 6:00-6:30.  Just 30 more minutes, please!  :)

We are just like most parents.  Adoring.  Proud.  Beaming.  Tired.  Happy 14 Months!

Love,
Mom

Lucky Number 13

Dear K,

Happy 13 months!  When do we stop counting months?  I know it will come sooner rather than later but right now, I like making the catchy titles with the month in them.

You have had a busy month full of  what seems like ups and downs, as is the new normal when one becomes a parent I suppose.  You have been sick a few times (we all have) but the last two weeks have been healthy.  But, absolutely no more seizures which is such a relief! YAY!  Teeth have been breaking through in the roof of your mouth so that has been pretty unpleasant from time to time.  I will admit that for a week there I thought you may have to move in with your grandparents until all those suckers are in!  But this week you have been feeling better and back to your giggling and active self which makes mommy and daddy very, very happy.  You are also having fun learning about brushing your teeth! This is probably the combination of having something to chew on while smiling at yourself in the bathroom mirror.

We have been fortunate to have some visits with both sets of grandparents in the last few weeks! We also spent an afternoon with Auntie Whitney and Elsie who treated us to lunch and birthday books and toys.   All of these moments have brought you both giggles and a full belly.  Sometimes I think you are absolutely the happiest when you are eating!  You absolutely love ham, turkey, and chicken.  Also, pancakes...big fan!  Fruit and yogurt also still pretty high on the list.  You have decided that broccoli is only good if it is out of the Chinese take-out (I tend to agree).  Peas are also better when scooped from your plate and into the side of your high chair.  Seriously, did you think we wouldn't notice!?

You are quite the vocal fellow these days.  A favorite pass-time is pushing your walker, or basket, or footstool, or whatever else you can find, through the house while squealing and growling as loudly as possible.  Grinning all the way, which brings your dad and I so much joy!  You say "dada" and "mama" but never directly to us and not really when we are in the room!  I am also pretty sure you tried to say "Daniel Tiger" the other day.    Over the weekend you discovered the thrill of tossing your blue bouncy ball and chasing after it.  It is so much fun to watch your excitement as you catch the ball and then bounce it on the floor.  You make your whole body bounce up and down after it.

You can practically run when you have your walker in front of you!  Daddy and I wish we could attach a vacuum and a lawnmower to it!  It really is time you were pulling your weight around here.  In the last couple of days you have taken just a few timid steps on your own which brought tears to our eyes.  I know it won't be long before life as we know it will be over. Again.  But goodness, right now we are just so proud of you and each new milestone you reach.

Today you began your enrollment at Roanoke Valley Montessori School.  I am so excited about this move for you.  I believe that it will be a strong environment for you to practice your motor skills and also develop those important skills for speech development and socialization.  It is also wonderful for me because now you will be 5 minutes from the church.  What a relief it will be to have you so close by.

Thank you my son, for bringing so much love and laughter into our lives.  Parenthood can be exasperating but you manage to make it so fulfilling.  It is certainly the greatest and most important thing we have done with our lives.  I think you're the cat's pajamas.

Love,
Mommy

wONEderful: Mitchell, Party of Three

My Dearest Son,

Over the last two weeks I have spent so much time reflecting on memories of this time a year ago.  How ill I truly was without knowing it. I've been recalling the sleepless nights and the feeling of your little head rearing up right in my rib cage.  I remember how fearful I was on my short drive with my mom on her birthday to the hospital for further tests.  I remember calling your daddy to tell him to come, that you would soon be here.  And while most mothers say they forget the 'pain' of childbirth, my experiences still stand out so much to me.  It is blurred around the edges but I cannot forget how sick I was...or how wonderful your dad was.  Or how terrified I was for us to actually bring you home and be your parents.  

And for 364 days my parenting nightmares never came true.  You have even had two  nerve-wracking surgeries which put you under anesthesia.  Even then, you handled these moments bravely, you recovered smoothly.  And then, on Thursday, May 21, the eve of your first birthday, you shaved years off of your father and I's lives.  You will never remember. We will never forget.  And so I must write of it, as I did  of those difficult hours in which you entered the world. I think I have to get it out.  We are still processing, even two days later.  On Thursday evening, we were all tired, we have all had some sort of stomach bug and you had been nursing a little fever that afternoon.  But you ate dinner and your dad and I carried you into the nursery and put you on the table to change your diaper.  Even now I can't be sure why your dad came along, we must have been talking about something, or he was volunteering to take you because it is rare for us to do diapers as a team anymore. As your daddy reached to grab me a new tube of diaper cream your whole body shook hard once and then you became unresponsive.  We picked you up, patted you, called your name and you could not focus on us.  We called 911 immediately.  As I was on the phone with the dispatcher all I could think was "my baby, my baby, he can't die."  Your dad and I looked at each other helplessly as you lost color, you were breathing but it was a struggle.  Your dad laid you down on the floor and blew a puff of air into your mouth.  The dispatcher said to turn you on your side.  About that time color returned to your cheeks and you began to wail.  I have never been more happy to hear you cry.  The whole episode could not have been more than a minute, maybe two, but it felt like an eternity.  Soon after you began to cry the sirens arrived.  A fire truck, EMT, and about five police cars swarmed our street.  In this moment I must thank God for two things. One, your father and I were together.  Two, we live so close to fire and rescue and have two hospitals minutes away.  You and I rode in the ambulance with several very kind Cave Spring Rescue Squad folks while Daddy followed behind.  Longest drive ever, I am sure especially for your dad who couldn't see you or hold you as I could.   We spent the next five hours or so at the hospital so you could be monitored and have a urinalysis done to check for infection.  You were treated for a high fever and once it came down you were back to your old self, crawling around naked as a jaybird on your hospital bed.  The first time that evening that your daddy made you laugh is probably the sweetest sound I have ever heard.   

As it turns out, they believe that your fever spiked rapidly and this caused you to have a seizure. We were allowed to leave around midnight with the encouragement to give you medications to keep your fever down and watch you closely for the next 24 hours.  If this happens to a child once they are more likely to have another one. But it doesn't mean you will have them the rest of your life or that you will have epilepsy.  I believe I checked your temperature at least 10 times in the middle of the night and your daddy slept in the floor all night beside your crib.   Let the record show that since that time I have probably checked your temperature 100 times.  

On Friday, your actual birthday, we went to see Dr. Sullivan for what was supposed to be your one year check up.  This is probably one of the last times we will see the doctor who cared for you the weekend you were born which makes me sad because we have so much respect for him (which is why we haven't moved you to a Roanoke doctor yet).  Anyway, Dr. Sullivan discovered something the ER doctor missed.  You have "hand, foot, and mouth disease."  This is a very contagious virus which causes, surprise, high fevers!  He found blisters in your throat, though none have appeared on your hands or feet as of yet.  Thus, our anxiety about you having another seizure due to a spike in fever has elevated.  The doctor also called for a stool sample since you've had this stomach thing and apparently there is an illness that can cause upset stomach and seizures.  It is Memorial Day Weekend, so we must wait until Tuesday for results of the test.  I did not anticipate spending your birthday delivering specimen samples and crying multiple times but there it is.  This is why for the first time in 12 months your birthday blog is not dated on the 22nd.  

I must confess that I am experiencing a lot of mommy guilt over all of this.  Ever since I had to put you in daycare full time you have been sick with one thing after another.  I know this is "normal" and you are "building your immune system" but your dad and I have also been sick a lot.  And I am sorry, but watching my child have a seizure because he has a fever, because he caught something more than likely at daycare, is not something I want to repeat.  It has just been difficult to get my sensible mind to tell my very sensitive heart that none of this is my fault.  I will always be this way I suspect, always wanting to go above and beyond what is humanly possible for you. 

Your daddy and I have spent the last two days hugging and kissing on you more than normal.  We have also shed many tears, just so relieved to see you laughing, crawling, eating, sleeping.  Suddenly, nothing else really matters at all, just knowing you are here with us, celebrating birthday number one.  

We had to cancel your birthday party.  Which I was pretty bummed about but the more I think about it, this doesn't matter much.  Not because you won't remember it but because it has been such a big weekend for us, it was extra special for us to be together as a family.  We had your cake and your daddy went and picked out your presents and wrapped them for you to tear into.  We just tell you over and over "we love you" and "happy birthday".  If you are reading this at age 18 and we are still doing this, now you know why! 

The past few days have been so much I don't really know if I can remember the last month! You did have an outpatient procedure at UVA that had been planned since you were born.  So far, you are taking this in stride!  You are getting into everything.  I love it when you pull up and hold on to my pant-legs when I am standing at the counter.  You attended my installation at Covenant and were visited by Uncle Jer and Aunt Crystal. You behaved so wonderfully.  You still eat like a horse... I am so thankful you aren't picky but I wonder what your eating habits will be like 12 years from now.  I may need a second job to pay for your food!  You have gotten to see your grandparents in the last few weeks too which you have enjoyed.  I think your favorite game is for daddy or I to "chase" you around the house. You just squeal and laugh and laugh.  

I can't believe it has been a year since we first saw you and held you.  My tiny little 5 pound, 3 oz, baby now weighs 17.5 pounds and you are 28 inches long! You have grown into this amazing little person.  You have the sweetest smile.  You are a huge flirt.  And when I tell you "no" for something you recognize exactly what I am saying and you grin at me sheepishly and go back to doing it.  If this continues I know we are in trouble when you hit adolescence.  

You are really just the sweetest child. Your personality is laid-back and gentle.  When you aren't animated and happy that is when it is obvious you aren't feeling well.  You are also pretty strong-headed.  I can't imagine where you got that from.  You keep after whatever you have your mind set on.  I hope this means that in addition to your obvious strength, loving, silly personality, you will also be an ambitious go-getter.  

Every month we have watched you grow and change with wonder and excitement.  We love you SO much.  I don't think children can ever truly understand how much their parents love them.  You are everything to us and you bring out the best in both of us and you make us a stronger team.  I have lifetime prayers for you but on this evening, when I am tired and worn out, I am praying for you to be healthy.  I am praying that we will never again go through what we have this week.  And I am praying that for your birthday next year we can do something fun, like go to the beach, rather than having a traumatic hospital visit!  

Here's to the year to come!

Love,

Mom